There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
