Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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