I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
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She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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