I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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