our cab driver is having phone sex.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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