So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
