You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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