bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
