my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
