omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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