i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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