So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
