I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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