one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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