I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
