goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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