He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize