Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
