she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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