WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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