Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
