you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize