did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
