on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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