all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
