Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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