If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
