so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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