i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Shame - the story of my life.
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