don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
