I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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