All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
