He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
