WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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