Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
