last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
did you just send me my own nude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
