At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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