just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
