i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
