Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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