Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
