he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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