week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
