I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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