bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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