Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
