We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
