We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
