i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
