$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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