the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He better not be in your backpack
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
