i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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