Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize