maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
