are you still at the devil's house?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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