So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
