I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
