Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
