I heard we made out
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
wanna go halves on a baby?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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