She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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