I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Less talking, more tequila
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
