every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize