We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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