So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
