Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
