whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
